Everything or nothing at all
by katie1999
Summary: NWZ Some lasting effects of a poisoning may be the end of Zorro. How will he react when he doesn't have much time anymore?
1. Chapter 1

**"This story is an amateur, not-for-profit publication produced solely for the enjoyment of other Zorro fans and is not intended to infringe upon any rights by Goodman/Rosen Productions, New World Television, Zorro Productions, the estate of Johnston McCulley or anyone else.**

**Everything or nothing at all**

Chapter 1

It had happened one day when Zorro was having another fight with the alcalde over one of his taxes. His hand began to shake and he nearly lost the grip on his sword. It was just a moment and he could recover soon. Zorro finished the fight quickly, no longer playing with the alcalde. After acknowledging Victoria as usual, he made home as fast as possible. Fortunately, nobody had noticed his slip.

At first Diego tried to ignore it, but after several similar spells in addition with dizziness, he could no longer do so. He consulted his books and went to a doctor in Santa Paula, where he would be less known and who would be more familiar with exotic illnesses, due to the sailors who came from the harbor. The doctor in Santa Paula was at loss with his symptoms, but promised to make some investigations with some colleagues. On one of his following visits some weeks later, the doctor could finally give him a diagnosis.

The night he returned from Santa Paula, he paid Victoria a visit.

Victoria was about closing the tavern when he slipped into the kitchen. He had been standing in the shadows for some moments, before she became aware of his presence.

"Zorro, you startled me," Victoria said. "How long have you been standing there?"

"I just arrived," he lied. His face was grave and the usual smile was missing. He wanted to take her in his arms, but he knew then he would never be able to do what he came for.

"Zorro, what is wrong?" Victoria said in alarm when he made no attempts to kiss her and kept his distance from her.

"Victoria, I have to talk to you."

His voice was sincere and his face became grim.

"I will leave the Los Angeles area and I don't know if I will come back. I have to tell you this because I don't want you to wait for me any longer."

Victoria looked at him in shock.

"You are taking back your proposal? Why? Don't you love anymore?"

"Victoria, please. I still love you. It is just as I said, I have to leave and I can't tell you if I will be back."

"Do you think you can leave me like this, Zorro? Don't you think you owe my an explanation, after all these years I have been waiting for you?"

Victoria was angry now. Her voice was hovering between anger and tears.

"Why can't I believe you when say you still love me?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Victoria," he didn't know what to say, so he just headed for the stairs.

Victoria immediately realized that something must be wrong. This was the first time he was using the stairs instead of climbing up to the balcony. Quickly she passed him by on the stairs and turned around, arms spread. She was now on eye level with him and he could not pass by without touching her.

"Zorro, what is wrong? This is the first time you are using the stairs! Tell me why!"

He stopped and stared at her for moment. She could see fighting emotions reflecting on his face. He tried to restrain himself, but he couldn't control his emotions anymore. Tenderly he caressed her cheek before he kissed her. In a sudden rush he swept her in his arms and started crying at her shoulder.

"Victoria, believe me, I don't want to leave you, but I have to go."

Victoria was shocked, she had never expected him to break down in her arms so completely. She wrapped her arms around him and hold him tight. After he had calmed himself a little, she led him to one of the tables and made him sit down beside her.

"Tell me everything," she said.

Without any more objections he wrapped his hands around her and started his tale.

"You remember Palomarez? When he returned, he claimed that I was a dead man?"

"Yes, but what has Palomarez to do with your problems?" Victoria asked.

Zorro recounted what had truly happened during Palomarez visit, how he was poisoned and tricked Palomarez to lead him to the antidote.

"After I drank the antidote, I felt alright again. Only recently I had some spells when my hand started to shake and I could hardly grip the sword during a fight. I did some research and went to a doctor in San Pedro. During my visit today he confirmed what I had suspected. These shaking spells and some other effects are the lingering results of the poison. The same happened to some soldiers who were attacked with poisonous arrows by some Indians in the Amazonian jungle. Those who did survive got the same aftereffects some years later. Of the six soldiers, who survived the initial attack, five died six months after the aftereffects appeared three years later."

Victoria was scared. "When did your spells start?"

"About two months ago."

"Does that mean you have only four months to live? Is there nothing you can do? What happened to the sixth soldier?"

"The doctor in Santa Paula has a friend in Mexico City who happens to be the doctor who treated the surviving soldier. He managed to flush the poison out of him. The doctor recommended me to go to Mexico City immediately and start the cure with his friend."

He looked Victoria in the eyes. His face was sad.

"Do you understand now why I have to go? It is either that or I'll be dead in four months."

Victoria started to cry. "No, please, you cannot die. Not after all we have been through. This is not fair."

He laughed a bitter laugh. "You cannot expect life to be fair. Otherwise we would have been granted a different alcalde and there would have been no need for Zorro."

"When will you leave?"

"The coaches to Mexico leave only every two weeks and I have no more time to lose. I have to leave tomorrow at noon."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter3

"Tomorrow?" Victoria gasped. "Then this is the last time I will see you? This can't be."

"Stay," she said desperately. "Don't go. Stay with me tonight. Don't leave like this."

She caressed his face and kissed him passionately. He did no longer hold back when he gave her the most passionate kiss she had ever received. She felt emotions stir inside her she never knew they existed. After a while they finally broke apart.

"I don't think this is a good idea," he said in a husky voice. "We cannot do this as long as we are not married. I don't want you to fall in disgrace when I'm gone. Except you want to marry me right now?"

"Marry? Now?" Victoria was stunned.

"Yes, we could wake Padre Benitez and ask him to marry us, unless you don't want to."

"Marrying you is all I ever wanted, even if it is in the middle of the night. This night is all we may ever have and I don't want to waste it. But doesn't it mean you have to reveal your identity to me?"

"My identity won't matter anymore when I'm gone." With a shove he removed the mask from his head and Victoria stared at him.

"Diego? Oh no," she cried out.

With a hurt look he stood up abruptly and turned away from her.

"I always knew you could never love the man behind the mask. I think I'd better leave."

"Diego, no, you get this wrong." Victoria put her hand on his arm and restrained him.

"I just cannot bear it lose you both. Being without Zorro is horrible, but losing you at the same time is even worse. I had hoped to rely on you when Zorro was gone but now...

I cannot say who is more dear to me Zorro or you. I only couldn't admit my feelings. I couldn't understand myself how I could love two different men but now I see why. You are the same person. And I still want to marry you."

Diego had turned around, listening intently to her words. "You can love me even if I'm only plain studious Diego? You will marry me?" he asked hopefully.

"Yes, right now. I only need to get my ring."

She gave him a tender kiss, before she went up to her room. When she returned a few minutes later, he had put on his mask again. He couldn't take the chance to be discovered while they went to the church.

Keeping to the shadows, they stealthily crept to the church. Zorro silently opened the church door and shoved her inside.

"Wait here. I will get the padre."

Victoria sat down in the front pail while she waited. She started to think about the unexpected events of the evening, but soon Zorro reappeared with the padre and one of the mission helpers in tow.

"Juan will act as our witness," Zorro explained the presence of the helper.

Padre Benitez did not seem to be surprised when Zorro removed his mask for the ceremony. He only smiled as if his suspicions were confirmed.

The ceremony was short, due to the late hour and the unusual circumstances. Without hesitation this time Victoria said "I do," when she was asked to agree to the marriage. The kiss, Diego gave her, was short but passionate. They both couldn't stand to wait any longer. All they wanted was to get back to the tavern and let their passion run free.

Without any incident they managed to get back to the tavern back door unseen by the lancers. After Victoria opened the door, Diego swooped her up in his arms and carried her across the threshold. Without setting her down he closed the door silently and carried her to her bedroom.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Neither of them got much sleep that night. This night was too precious to spend it on sleep. When they did not make love, they talked. Between sweet whispers of love Victoria asked the questions that were burning on her mind. She knew she might never get another chance to ask them.

It was before dawn when he rose. He had to leave while it was still dark and his black outfit hid him from the lancers.

"Care to have breakfast at the hacienda?" he whispered. "I'd love to stay, but there are a lot of things I have to do before I leave. I wanted to do do them this night, after I said goodbye to you."

He needn't to add that he had never planned to stay the night and that he needed to put his things in order, in case he never came back.

Victoria was torn. She longed to spend every moment with him while he was still around, but she knew that he would be very busy at home. They had agreed not to reveal anything that had happened tonight. If he returned, Zorro would still be needed and his identity had to be protected. Diego wanted to ask Felipe to make some appearances as Zorro, after he was gone, to dissuade any suspicions that Diego was Zorro. Victoria would also claim that she had seen Zorro.

"I'd love to be around you, but when I'm at the hacienda, we will have to pretend that we are nothing more than good friends while I want to be in your arms and kiss you. I don't think I can do this today. Not after all that has happened tonight. I still can't think straight and I won't be able to pretend that I'm not your wife for any amount of time. I don't know how to feel. I am happy about marrying you, but at the same time I'm terrified of losing you again. I could cry and laugh at the same time. Will you be disappointed if I don't come?"

"I understand you. Your feelings mirror mine. I don't think I will be able to pretend either. And I will be really busy. There is so little time, and so much to do. I wish I had more time to spend with you and I really hope that I will. But for now we must be content with what we had, which is more than I ever expected, when I came here last night. Sleep now my querida. I'll see you at noon, before the coach leaves."

With a long kiss that still ended too soon for both they said goodbye to each other and their love. This was the probably the last moment in private, before they had to behave in public. Tears were running down her face and she clung to him, not wanting him to go.

"I wish I could hold you forever, but I can't stop the time. I will try to be back." He shook from the effort that it took him to leave her. He kissed her once more tenderly, before he quietly slipped out of the room.

After he had left, she returned to the bed where his smell still lingered. She buried her face in the pillow and cried like never before until sleep overtook her.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Diego was quiet at breakfast with his father and Felipe. He wished to tell his father that he was probably leaving forever and that it was a final goodbye. But he couldn't do that without telling him everything and for that there was simply no time. He knew it would break his father's heart to lose him, but there was no way talking would change anything. There was still hope for his return and he didn't want his father to worry unnecessarily. If he heard of his son's death in a few months, it would be soon enough.

Felipe knew what was going on. Diego had told him the devastating news as soon as he had returned from San Pedro yesterday. Felipe was older now than the last time he had lost his parents, but Diego had been his parent since, and the prospect of losing him made him feel as if he was six years old again. When he couldn't hold back his tears any more, he ran from the breakfast table into the cave to sooth himself by taking care of Toronado.

It was there where Diego found him later. There were some things he had to take care of before he left, like changing his will to include Victoria as his wife, to write a letter to his father, and arrange for his absence with Felipe, as far as it could be arranged on such a short notice. After he had packed what he would need in Mexico, he used the remaining time to take a walk around the hacienda and remember childhood memories and pleasant times he had spent here with his parents, Felipe and Victoria.

Then it was time to say goodbye. All he could do was to say his father that he loved him hoping

that he would understand and forgive him his secrecy. He excused his tears with something that he had gotten in his eyes when they embraced.

"You are acting as if you are leaving forever and not only visiting a friend in Mexico," Alejandro said. "There is no need to worry son, I'm a healthy old man and will still be around when you return in a few months."

Diego couldn't tell him that it was not his father's health he was worried about.

Felipe would drive him to the pueblo where the coach was leaving, and they would say goodbye on the way.

The coach was already waiting for its passengers when Diego said goodbye to his wife in the privacy of the kitchen.

"I love you, Victoria."

"I love you too, Diego. Please come back."

"Let's have faith, Victoria." After a short and tender kiss he turned around, tears glittering in his eyes. Without turning back he boarded the waiting coach.

Victoria had stayed in the kitchen, she knew she could not keep her composure if she waved him goodbye.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Though she tried as she might, her customers knew right away that something was amiss. Her usual good mood was gone and so was her smile. There were speculations she had had a fight with Zorro, but she did not comment.

Felipe was the one who understood her best, but since Victoria didn't understand his sign language very well, communication was limited at best when both had problems to express their feelings at all in this situation.

She did not agree with Diego's decision to leave his in father in the dark, but it was up to him to tell his father the truth. She didn't want to be the harbinger of bad news to her dear friend Alejandro, though she would have liked to have his consolation.

It was Mendoza who finally shattered her brittle control. He was talking with some fellows about the fortune he had lost when his house had burned to ground.

"Ah senors, money is not everything, isn't it? I have friends and a full stomach that is all that a man can wish for. Don't you agree, senorita Escalante? And I know what you wish for – to marry your masked lover. Am I right?"

Had he asked her yesterday, she would have agreed. To know the identity of her love and marry him was all she had ever wished for. But now that she had everything she wished for, she knew she had nothing at all. Nothing had changed in her life. She was a married woman now with a husband who loved her dearly, but still her bed was empty and would remain so. The prospect of an empty future filled her eyes with tears, and she ran to the kitchen where she put her face on the table to cry.

Alejandro tried to comfort her, assuming she had a quarrel with Zorro, but his efforts were in vain. Victoria was like a daughter to him, and it hurt him to see her in pain. In all the time he knew her, he had never seen her so desperate. Her refusal to tell him about the reason for her sorrow made it even worse.

Two days later Victoria made up her mind. She couldn't keep on crying like this. There was only one thing to do. She would follow him to Mexico, as it had been her first impulse when he had told her. They had discussed it, but he had objected against it.

"Victoria, you cannot leave your tavern like that. There is nobody who will manage it if you leave with me tomorrow. It will be better if you stay here. The cure will not be pleasant at all and please allow me to keep my dignity. I want you to remember me like I am, and I don't want you to see me sick."

He had been right about leaving her tavern, but two weeks were more than enough time to find someone to fill in and it was mostly his pride that prevented him to accept her offer to help him. He would need her, and to hell with his pride. She would do everything to help him whether he liked it or not.

With new resolve she started to set her plan in motion. She considered possible managers for her tavern and thought of the provisions that had to be taken for a longer absence of hers. She would stick to the story that she had split up with Zorro and now needed some time away from Los Angeles.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

A month later she knocked at the door of a whitewashed adobe building at the outskirts of Mexico.

A servant in white trousers and a white shirt opened the door and asked for the reason of her visit. When she stated her name she was led to a spacious salon where a man rose from his seat when she entered.

"Senora de la Vega, may I introduce myself. I am Dr. Alonzo Herera, welcome to my house. This is an unexpected visit. Your husband didn't tell me that you were coming."

"My husband had to leave quite suddenly to come here and I wasn't able to join him on such a short notice. But now I'm here. How is he? Can I see him?"

"Senora, I assume your husband has told you about the poison and its effects. This is a very rare case and so far only one patient has ever survived it. We have started to flush out the poison from his body, but if we will be successful is yet open. At the moment he has to suffer from the effects the poison has to his body, just like the first time he was exposed to it. I suppose you know what that means."

"Can I see him?"

"Yes, of course. Follow me please. He is lodged in one of the guest rooms. I know this is unusual, but your husband is in a severe condition needs constant supervision. "

Victoria didn't tell the doctor that she knew basically nothing about the effects of the poison except for the spells he had told her about. She wasn't prepared at all for the sight that awaited her in the room.

"Don Diego, you have a visitor," the doctor said after knocking and gesturing her to enter room.

"I' ll leave you alone then. I'm in the salon if you need me."

Diego lay in the bed in a white nightshirt covered with a sheet. He had turned his head to the door, but did not move otherwise.

"Who is there?" he asked in a hoarse voice.

"It's me Victoria, don't you recognize me?" she asked surprised. But than she saw the unfocused look in his eyes and realization hit her. He was blind!

"Victoria, is it really you? What are you doing here?"

But then she was already by his side throwing herself at him. He rose a little from his pillow and embraced her tightly.

"You shouldn't have come," he said, but his embrace told her differently. He locked her in his arms as if he never wanted to let her go. With his hands he caressed her cheek and moved through her curls. They kissed frantically, the world around them forgotten.

"Oh Diego, why didn't you tell me you were going to be blind," she cried. "What other effect are there?"

"Shh, Victoria, don't cry," he soothed her when he tasted the salty tears running down her cheeks.

She couldn't fathom to imagine what blindness meant to a man like him who was so scientific minded and had a love for books.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

The first encounter had been a shock for her and she had thought it couldn't get worse than this when he was blind and barely able to move, but she was mistaken. The doctor continued with his potions that would flush the poison out of his body. With every application Diego grew weaker, until she truly feared for his life. About a week after her arrival Diego's heart stopped beating and if she hadn't kept such close vigil on him, he would have died. But the doctor had warned her that it might happen and she had learned the necessary steps to start his heart again, until the doctor arrived on her alarm. The second time that same night the doctor was in the room and performed the life-saving measures himself.

After that she refused to leave her husbands bedside, but she couldn't stay awake all the time. In the end the doctor ordered her out of the room to take some rest. He told her that the crisis was past and that the worst was over. She acquiesced to his experience and gave in to her fatigue. She had to be strong if she wanted to be of any help.

The estimation of the doctor proved true and there were no life threatening situations any more. Diego was still very weak, but recovering daily. When he felt better, he soon grew impatient with his immobility. He had been sick and tied to his bed for such a long time, and for an active man like him, it became harder and harder to stay patient.

The blindness was still lingering while other effects like his dizziness slowly abated. The prospect of staying blind forever depressed him more than anything. He couldn't imagine to be depended on anyone for the rest of his life, even if it was his wife. She tried to distract him by reading from some books, but it reminded him even more of his own inability. Naturally the situation put a heavy strain on their relation, since both of them were strong willed persons. But they learned to live with the imperfections of their partner as neither of them was willing to lose his love.

It took weeks, until Diego had recovered enough to move around and his eyesight had returned.

He wanted to return to Los Angeles as soon as possible, but he didn't want to appear weak when he returned home. So they decided to extend their visit to Mexico and finally have a honeymoon.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Their return to Los Angeles was reason for excitement. Though some had seen some indication that Diego was in love with Victoria, it still was a surprise that he was able to win her so soon after she parted with Zorro. Diego didn't deny that he had been ill while in Mexico and that Victoria had been at his side during that time. His illness was a good excuse, why they were so close suddenly.

It was undeniable that they had a strong bond now. When they entered the tavern, after emerging from the coach, Diego stayed close to his wife and he was quite protective about her.

Alejandro was happy to see his son married finally, and especially to Victoria who had always been a daughter in his heart but he was very curious about this sudden turn of events. He had only received a letter from Diego that informed him about their marriage and that they were having a honeymoon in Mexico.

After his return Diego had somehow admitted that he had been ill during his stay in Mexico and that Victoria had been at his side but it sounded like a feeble excuse to him. Had Victoria been dumped by Zorro and now she had married Diego to cover everything up? He really needed to talk to his son and find out what was really going on.

Diego and Victoria were both aware of Alejandro suspicions and they had decided that it was time to tell Alejandro the truth.

Dinner was already past and the family had made themselves comfortable in the library. Alejandro's curiosity had been growing visibly since the hour of their return and he finally he could no longer hold back his questions about their sudden marriage and what had really happened during their stay in Mexico.

"Father," Diego said, "there is something I have to tell you and I hope you will forgive me that I haven't told you before but I only wanted to protect you."

"Let me guess, son. Victoria is pregnant from Zorro and you married her when he wouldn't! And your being ill in Mexico is only an excuse."

"Father, please don't interrupt me, there is much more to it than you imagine. If you want to know the truth, Victoria and I didn't marry last month but four months ago before I left for Mexico."

Alejandro only stared at him. "What are you telling me? This can't be. Why would you marry Victoria and then leave her? Victoria had a quarrel with Zorro and they split up. That's why she left town."

"The fact is, father, that I'm Zorro and Victoria and I have been engaged for months before we married. I was severely ill before I left and the chances were quite high that I would die in the next four months. I only found out about it the day before I left, and my only chance was to seek out a doctor in Mexico immediately. I had the intention to set Victoria free, but we got married instead. Victoria then decided to follow me to Mexico and I'm glad she did. In fact I owe her my life for that."

Diego took Victoria's hand that he had been holding the whole time and with a loving smile placed a kiss on it. The gesture that was so unlike Diego only added to Alejandro's confusion who tried to understand what Diego was telling him.

"You want me to believe this? You are totally different than Zorro, you can't be him. This even more impossible."

Alejandro rose from his chair and eyed the couple before him.

Diego only looked straight at him and he didn't avert his eyes. "It is true. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier."

Victoria nodded at Alejandro's inquiring glance and then realization set in. He slumped back into his chair, totally at loss now.

"Why Diego? Why didn't you tell me that you were Zorro? Why didn't you trust me with your worries?" There was desperation in his voice. "Don't you think I have a right to know that my only son is dying?"

Then he grew angry. "You should have told me before you left, but instead you let me believe that you were only visiting a friend. You lied to me to the very last moment. How could you! Who else knew?"

"Only Felipe and Victoria. But she didn't know I was Zorro until the day we married. I know I hurt you by not telling you and for that I'm truly sorry. Father, forgive me please."

Diego had risen from his seat and walked over to his father's chair. Alejandro got up and grabbed his son by his arms looking him in the eyes.

"You are really Zorro?"

"Yes."

"And you are not going to die in the next months?"

"At least not from the illness and I don't think the lancers have improved their aim in my absence."

Diego grinned as he always did as Zorro.

"That is nothing to make jokes about, Diego." Alejandro exclaimed, but the ice was broken. He embraced his son and clapped him on the back.

"I'm proud you are Zorro, son. Glad to have you back and alive. But if you are really Zorro then I gravely misjudged you. You must forgive me for all the times I hurt when I compared you to Zorro."

"There is nothing to forgive. It was part of the delusion so nobody suspected my to be Zorro."

After that Diego had a lot of questions about Zorro to answer and he recounted how he got the idea for Zorro. He explained Felipe's part in it and that Felipe could hear and had started to speak again. Alejandro was happy about it and chided Felipe only a little for not telling him.

The couple was weary from their travel and Diego finally cut the questions short so they could retire. There was so much to tell, but I had to wait for the next days.

Also there was the decision to make if Diego wanted to continue as Zorro. But that was not one that they need to make that night.

They had time to think about it, more time than they ever thought at Zorro last visit to Victoria's tavern some months ago.

They had time on their hands now and hope for the future and that was everything anyone could wish for at the moment.


End file.
